If I can see this through...

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want--good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

I'm going to be pulling Mortie out of any prompt/RP communities that have posting requirements because real life is just not affording me the time to deal with deadlines. I'll still do free form RP threads with those interested and write the prompts that I have time for but that's about it.

1. How has LJ, changed your life?
I've met some very nice people, a couple good friends and one very special person.


2. What do you do before bedtime?
Take off my watch, put it on top of the dresser, change into my pajamas, turn down the bed, set my alarm clock, turn off the lamp.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
I thought this was something the female half of the relationship tended to decide on, but...she said on a beach, so...

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
I'm happy here, really.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Introvert

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I think it's easier to love someone than to be loved. At least that's the experience I've had. So...being loved.

7. Do you trust easily?
No.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
It used to be that I'd do something that would make my shrink want to beat his head against the wall, these days? I'd try to move on.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
More sad than unhappy but yes.

10. What is your best quality?
I'm good at my job?

11. Is being tagged fun?
By Salome, yes.

12. How do you see yourself?
Needing improvement

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Salome, Lauren...

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She's the most amazing girl I've ever met. Beautiful, sweet, sensitive, caring, strong. She has this way of lighting up a room just by being in it and an self-possessed inner sophistication that she hides behind a wall of childish playfulness. I'm continually stunned she even gives me the time of day.

15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
I'm not likely to be in dire straights financially given my career but if I'm with the person I love, married.

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
I wouldn't object to one. [locked to Salome] Yours, if you'd think I'd be a good father.[/locked]

17. What's better to give or to receive?
Giving, I like making someone else happy if I can.

18. Is the glass half full or half empty?
Half full...and it probably needs to be put on a coaster.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
No.

20. What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender?
I'm afraid to even think about it considering they did name me Mortimer.

Mun has been eaten by real life.

Will attempt to pick up owed tags etc.

Muses involved with Mortie have my permission to NPC him if he's holding up something. Just don't stick him in a bear suit or dye his hair pink.

I don't think she understands why I'm not sleeping with her. That hurts in ways I don't even want to think about.

It has nothing to do with thinking she's done something wrong or is disgusting--those are her words for herself, not mine. Never mine.

No, it has everything to do with how much I care for her and WANT to be with her.

I want her father to be locked away and when that happens I want the authorities to be able to look at Salome and see that she's competent and able to care for herself. I don't want them to think she's in some sort of ill-situated relationship with me. I want this to go as easy for her as possible. God knows it will be hard enough without me in the picture that way.

And then there's the larger, more important issue. Her mental health. I know how vital that is and I know how very necessary therapy can be. And she needs to talk to someone professional about what she's been through. She needs to come to terms with it, that she was victimized. And she needs to work through everything that will likely dredge up.

I won't abandon her through any of this, I won't. I want to be there to support her as best I know how. To be that light at the end of the tunnel if she wants me to be. I hope she does want me to be.

I meant that promise I made to her in the kitchen tonight.

I want to be there, five years from now. Holding her hand. Kissing her. Loving her.

I just don't know if she understands that right now. And if we'll weather this together. Selfish, I know it's selfish. And in many ways it doesn't matter. If she moves on, that's alright too. It will break my heart but it will also be okay...as long as she's in a better place. Mentally, emotionally.

I love her enough for that to be enough for me.

I told her that I love her. And I do. It goes beyond right or wrong and right now I'm sure she probably doesn't believe me or even trust me overmuch. I don't care. She can hate me if she needs to, despise me. Be as angry as she wants. I care that much about her and her well-being.
( cut for content )

Why...why did this have to be this way?

Week 1 Ink Blot

It looks a lot like a woman’s pelvis and lower portion of the vertebral (spinal) column. The lumbar and sacrum regions specifically, if you want the medical terminology.

That’s what it looks like, to me and perhaps anyone else who has had reason to study human anatomy. What it reminds me of is…sex.

I’m a [mostly] healthy thirty-six year old man. I think about sex as often as most guys, which is to say: a lot. So show me a picture of a pelvis and my thoughts immediately turn to more carnal pursuits. Of course I am picturing more than just the skeletal system. I’m filling in the missing musculature and the dermal layers as well.

Actually, now I’m thinking about this redhead I met yesterday.

Thin, but she had that gentle flare of the hip that we tend to associate with someone who is fertile and capable of bearing children without difficulty. Pale skin, she wasn’t a fan of the sun given her fair complexion. Full lips, mouth almost a perfect kissable bow. Long, delicate fingers—slender. I bet she played the piano or painted. Artist’s fingers. Ample chest. More than a mouthful, less than a handful…what’s that old adage about too much being a waste?

She was beautiful. Sexy.

She also had gunpowder burns on the back of her skull and a .45 caliber bullet lodged deep in her cerebral cortex.

I still wanted to kiss her.

( I crave and want to be with... )

The pretty dead girls.


Mortie Davis
Pretty Dead Girl
945

Lauren-

When you get a chance, can I talk to you about something? Vacation related.

Mortie

I'm worried about Salome. She's really lethargic today and...quiet. That's not like her.

I hope she's not getting sick.

I should clean the apartment anyway and disinfect the place just to be on the safe side.

I’m here because…

I’ve been in therapy before. I am actually seeing a private therapist, psychologist actually, right now. He thinks my issues are possibly, finally at a stage where he can’t help me any more. I think I’ve simply worn him down. Out, maybe? Our last session together pretty much consisted of him staring at me and then banging his head on his desk.

I don’t do it on purpose, driving the shrink crazy. I was just telling him about what I thought was a progressive step. I’d only been following his advice after all. Apparently to the letter and not the intent. Or his advice was too general. Or, more likely, I really am a completely crazy freak.

I’m sick. I know that. I’m trying to get better. It will take time, I’ve learned that much since my relapse. See, I thought I was cured, that all my problems were solved and I stopped going to therapy. Solutions are never that simple. Everything fell apart but I don’t feel like I’m back at square one even though my current shrink would tell you I am. I feel like I’m going to do it this time. Kick the cravings and urgings and learn to lead a normal life.

That’s what I want anyway.

I've uploaded a few of the tracks from Pretty Dead Girl. You can stream them or download. Enjoy.

So I went out and met a few new people this week. Yeah, um...I'm really not the only one who could use a shrink. I feel qualified in saying that since I have been seeing one for years.

I also found out that there's some other guy who I look like. Or he looks like me. I don't know, maybe it depends on which one of us is older. I'll probably never know since he does look so much like me--he could be any age. No one ever believes I'm in my mid-thirties. I still get carded everywhere.

Women...scare me. And confuse me. They don't want you to lie to them, so you tell them the truth and they automatically start judging you and thinking you're defective. Or just want to tell you you're cute. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just--strange. For me.

Had a date that wasn't a date with a pretty girl a couple days ago. We had lunch in the park and then I showed her around part of L.A. I'd call that a date but she said it was just lunch and it's probably a good thing too--she's too young for me. But nice! Very nice. Except when she threatened to dump a bottle of water on my head. Well, even then she was nice about it.

We have another maybe it's a date but probably isn't tonight. We're going to watch a movie and have popcorn. The healthy sort. I'm making it a point to mention this because she insists on eating junk food that is so unhealthy for you. I don't want to think about what her cholesterol levels must be like. Or what her arteries are filled with.

I told my shrink about her and now he says he needs therapy after our sessions. I asked him if he thought this was progress and he said it was more like a lateral slide. He wants me to find other women to have more casual dates with. It's not that easy. I don't know what I'm doing. The not a date that was a date that wasn't and the maybe a date the probably isn't girl is really nice. And pretty. And she asked me out...I can't even get my own dates that aren't dates. How am I supposed to make real dates?

That last paragraph gave me a headache.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is all about change, but in very small steps. The end of the journey looks far, but it's much closer than you realize. For you, falling in love has never been easy. You can only fall for someone who is very patient and persistent.

( A Letter )


( A Collection of Post-Its )